Tuesday, August 26, 2008
ER visit!
Madison and I had a trip to the ER this evening. Due to a bike accident, she is now sporting three new stitches above her upper lip. Hands, arms, and knees a little scraped up and lips are a little swollen tonight; but, she's had some tylenol and is tucked in bed and will hopefully feel much better in the morning!
Monday, August 25, 2008
STAR WARS!
Paul grew up enjoying the original Star Wars trilogy with his brothers. When the new movies came out, they became reasons for his siblings and him (along with the spouses of course) to get togther for a night out. Later, when the movies where available on DVD, Paul and I would plan a family movie night to watch the movies with our children. We both agreed; however, that the original three were better. (Paul was given these as a Christmas gift early in our marriage and had watched them with the children a few times over.) Friday evening, thanks to anonymous friends, my children and I were able to enjoy the Star Wars exhibit at the MN Science Museum. We all agreed Dad would have very muched enjoyed sharing this with us and we were thankfully we had the opportunity to go. So, to those who blessed us with this gift: THANK YOU!
Hope
I found this definition of hope at CatholicReference.net:
It is the hope, the confidence, in something much more wonderful than this world awaiting us, the hope in a perfect someONE guiding, protecting, and loving us that gives me strength to face each new day. I have been praying that through my struggles God would allow me to be a witness of such hope to others, but most especially to my children. I want to be a witness of a faith that has been tried, tested, and shown true even in the midst of such anguish. I do have that "confident desire" of obtaining peace in my soul again, that we will find joy again. I also know, have experienced, that this journey is not without its obstacles nor walked without great effort. Some of the most simple tasks of my day require the greatest effort to accomplish. But, little by little, one step at a time, we are moving forward.
I still have my moments of tears, of confusion, of loneliness, of anger. In those moments, though, I remember the words of our Lord, "If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. (Luke 9:23)" What does it mean to take up one's cross? In the previous verse (9:22) Jesus said that the Son of Man would suffer greatly. Should our cross then be without suffering? It is through our suffering that we come face to face with the cross of Christ. It is in our loneliless that we meet Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. It is in our struggle to bear the weight of our cross that we walk beside the Lord as He struggles to carry His. And it is in the moment of our deepest anguish, when we finally cry out "into your hands, Father, I commend my spirit," when we truly lay down our own life (our dreams, our desires, our will) that we begin to understand what Christ did for us and allow Him to change us and strengthen us. This is the moment when HOPE begins to take root in the depths of the soul. It is in the moments when I share my tears and sorrows, confusion and loneliless with the Lord in prayer that my soul finds its refuge and courage.
As I continue to carry this cross I know I will fall in moments of weakness. I know I will stumble many times in the days ahead. But as Christ did not carry His cross alone, I am not carrying mine alone. As the women and children gathered around Christ and wept tears, I have shared my tears with family and friends. Just as Simon helped bear the weight of Christ's cross, I have been blessed with family, friends, and even strangers to help share the load I must carry. And just as Christ's Mother walked the steps to Calvary with her Son, so too, does she walk each step beside me. The sorrows of our Blessed Mother has brought me such comfort and her courage fuels my own. Yes, I can say with certainty, I do not walk alone and in this I have hope.
HOPE
The confident desire of obtaining a future good that is difficult to attain. It is therefore a desire, which implies seeking and pursuing; some future good that is not yet possessed but wanted, unlike fear that shrinks from a future evil. This future good draws out a person's volition. Hope is confident that what is desired will certainly be attained. It is the opposite of despair. Yet it recognizes that the object wanted is not easily obtained and that it requires effort to overcome whatever obstacles stand in the way. (Etym. Latin spes, hope.)
It is the hope, the confidence, in something much more wonderful than this world awaiting us, the hope in a perfect someONE guiding, protecting, and loving us that gives me strength to face each new day. I have been praying that through my struggles God would allow me to be a witness of such hope to others, but most especially to my children. I want to be a witness of a faith that has been tried, tested, and shown true even in the midst of such anguish. I do have that "confident desire" of obtaining peace in my soul again, that we will find joy again. I also know, have experienced, that this journey is not without its obstacles nor walked without great effort. Some of the most simple tasks of my day require the greatest effort to accomplish. But, little by little, one step at a time, we are moving forward.
I still have my moments of tears, of confusion, of loneliness, of anger. In those moments, though, I remember the words of our Lord, "If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. (Luke 9:23)" What does it mean to take up one's cross? In the previous verse (9:22) Jesus said that the Son of Man would suffer greatly. Should our cross then be without suffering? It is through our suffering that we come face to face with the cross of Christ. It is in our loneliless that we meet Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. It is in our struggle to bear the weight of our cross that we walk beside the Lord as He struggles to carry His. And it is in the moment of our deepest anguish, when we finally cry out "into your hands, Father, I commend my spirit," when we truly lay down our own life (our dreams, our desires, our will) that we begin to understand what Christ did for us and allow Him to change us and strengthen us. This is the moment when HOPE begins to take root in the depths of the soul. It is in the moments when I share my tears and sorrows, confusion and loneliless with the Lord in prayer that my soul finds its refuge and courage.
As I continue to carry this cross I know I will fall in moments of weakness. I know I will stumble many times in the days ahead. But as Christ did not carry His cross alone, I am not carrying mine alone. As the women and children gathered around Christ and wept tears, I have shared my tears with family and friends. Just as Simon helped bear the weight of Christ's cross, I have been blessed with family, friends, and even strangers to help share the load I must carry. And just as Christ's Mother walked the steps to Calvary with her Son, so too, does she walk each step beside me. The sorrows of our Blessed Mother has brought me such comfort and her courage fuels my own. Yes, I can say with certainty, I do not walk alone and in this I have hope.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Meeting the Lord in prayer.
This blog was inspired by an on-line friend of mine. She was reading the 22nd Psalm and it struck her that when the psalmist lamented in his prayer, it was not a sign of no faith, but of true faith. It is knowing that our lamenting is heard by One who truly cares for us that will lead to praises by the end of the Psalm. As I read through her email I thought about how my prayers right now are filled with "lament" and wondered how many verses will I have to "write" before the praises come once again.
I discovered with my first miscarriage years ago that if you are going to pray you better be honest with what you're feeling. Bottom line.... God knows it anyways. I have told the children through all of our suffering now..... no matter what you feel; angry, confused, lost, alone, happy and sad at the same time, whatever it is; be honest with the Lord. It is only when we are honest with what we are feeling that we give God permission to share it and be a part of it. It is only then that God can help us carry our cross and only in the honesty that God can bring true healing.
Through the miscarriages I learned to be pretty blunt with the Lord. Now through the trial of losing my husband and learning to be a single parent in the midst of such anguish; God has heard quite a bit from me. I have told Him that I think He should retire, that I think maybe He is not making very sound decisions. We could use a replacement. I have yelled and screamed at the life size picture of Jesus I have above my fireplace (that happened when I was home alone) But, always in the very next breath, my heart cries out... "now You have to carry me through." I have to know that Jesus is the One who heals this heart (or should I say replace it 'cuz I really don't think there is anything left of the one I had before) If I turn to anything else to make it whole again, wholeness will never come. If I seek for anything or anyone else to fill the utter loneliness, the loneliness will never truly leave.
I have been praying for the last few years that Jesus alone would be enough for me. I really and truly HATE that this may be how He finally accomplishes that in me.
I know that I have not yet reached the part of my "psalm" where I can freely praise the Lord. I do know that day will come. I do have that hope. But for now, my "psalm" is still in the lament! I still feel lost in the bottom of the pit and I still cry out "When will You hear me? Where does my courage and strength come from? How can I face yet one more moment of this?"
Bebo Norman (a christian singer) has a song called "Borrow Mine". It offers his faith to someone who's struggling.
Know that it is the faith of all of our friends and family that carry us right now. So, please, in the many long, long months ahead... please keep praying, loving, and supporting us. And THANK YOU.... those two words seem so inadequate to express how grateful I am for the support that comes our way, but please know that it truly sincere.
I discovered with my first miscarriage years ago that if you are going to pray you better be honest with what you're feeling. Bottom line.... God knows it anyways. I have told the children through all of our suffering now..... no matter what you feel; angry, confused, lost, alone, happy and sad at the same time, whatever it is; be honest with the Lord. It is only when we are honest with what we are feeling that we give God permission to share it and be a part of it. It is only then that God can help us carry our cross and only in the honesty that God can bring true healing.
Through the miscarriages I learned to be pretty blunt with the Lord. Now through the trial of losing my husband and learning to be a single parent in the midst of such anguish; God has heard quite a bit from me. I have told Him that I think He should retire, that I think maybe He is not making very sound decisions. We could use a replacement. I have yelled and screamed at the life size picture of Jesus I have above my fireplace (that happened when I was home alone) But, always in the very next breath, my heart cries out... "now You have to carry me through." I have to know that Jesus is the One who heals this heart (or should I say replace it 'cuz I really don't think there is anything left of the one I had before) If I turn to anything else to make it whole again, wholeness will never come. If I seek for anything or anyone else to fill the utter loneliness, the loneliness will never truly leave.
I have been praying for the last few years that Jesus alone would be enough for me. I really and truly HATE that this may be how He finally accomplishes that in me.
I know that I have not yet reached the part of my "psalm" where I can freely praise the Lord. I do know that day will come. I do have that hope. But for now, my "psalm" is still in the lament! I still feel lost in the bottom of the pit and I still cry out "When will You hear me? Where does my courage and strength come from? How can I face yet one more moment of this?"
Bebo Norman (a christian singer) has a song called "Borrow Mine". It offers his faith to someone who's struggling.
"Take my hand, walk with me awhile. 'Cuz it seems your smile has left here. And don't give up. When you fall apart and your broken heart has failed you, I'll set a light up on a hill top to show you my love, for the world to see. Borrow mine when your hope is gone. Borrow mine when you can't go on. 'Cuz the world won't defeat you when we're side by side. When you're faith is hard to find, you can borrow mine."
Know that it is the faith of all of our friends and family that carry us right now. So, please, in the many long, long months ahead... please keep praying, loving, and supporting us. And THANK YOU.... those two words seem so inadequate to express how grateful I am for the support that comes our way, but please know that it truly sincere.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
It's official!
Myriah is now 15! Thanks to some wonderful friends, we had a nice dinner and a very enjoyable evening. Myriah requested a chocolate mint cake. I made that for her earlier today and we brought it with. It was enjoyed by all! The kids splashed in the pool, played some games, and watched a movie. All in all, I think things went real well. And Myriah enjoyed her birthday. That's all that mattered!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Joyful moments in the midst of our sorrow
Some days are much more difficult than others. Many days are filled with tears and unanswered questions. But, even in the midst of the sorrow.... God gives us moments that bring a smile to the face and just a little peace to the heart.
Myriah will be turning 15 on the 16th, so we had some family come and help us celebrate on Sunday. With grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins... the day was a good one for her and for us all. (Difficult at times, but, still good!)
And the best part of the day for Myriah was her gift from Grandpa!!
Doesn't she look great sitting in that corvette!
OK... so she didn't get the car for her gift; HOWEVER, she did get to drive it. Her very first time driving and it was in a corvette. Now before anyone worries, we only went around the horseshoe driveway a couple of times. She did great!!
Myriah will be turning 15 on the 16th, so we had some family come and help us celebrate on Sunday. With grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins... the day was a good one for her and for us all. (Difficult at times, but, still good!)
And the best part of the day for Myriah was her gift from Grandpa!!
Doesn't she look great sitting in that corvette!
OK... so she didn't get the car for her gift; HOWEVER, she did get to drive it. Her very first time driving and it was in a corvette. Now before anyone worries, we only went around the horseshoe driveway a couple of times. She did great!!
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