Friday, July 4, 2008
We said good bye!
It was the hardest thing I have ever had to face! I am so amazed at how my dear sweet simple quiet Paul has touched so many lives. Me??? Well I knew he was amazing, I just didn't know every one else thought so too. So many people turned out to support us and to say good bye! So many have sent such wonderful cards and told such sweet things about this man. I wonder why God would take such a man from this earth when he made such an impact here.
Through everything, I wanted his story told! I wanted everyone who came to the wake and funeral to have a glimps into who Paul was (I didn't realize so many already new). I wanted the picture boards to let people see what kind of love he gave to his family and to his faith. I read my good bye letter to Paul at the wake. As I wrote it to put in the casket, it never accured to me that I would share it. But after I finished writing it, I just knew I wanted to world to know, I wanted to shout from the mountain top how much I loved him. I wanted Paul to hear me tell the world what I thought of him. I needed people to know, to hear what he gave to me. I am glad I had the strength to do so! Words would never be adaquate for him, but at least I tried!
As we came home yesterday evening, I came face to face with the reality that now life has to go on. I fealt (and feel) so lost now.
Mornings are truly the most difficult time of day. I have dreamt of him every night and then every morning I must face that he is gone once again. It's so unreal that today marks one week since my dear hubby left this world to go home! I know the veil between heaven and earth is but a thin covering and he is very near us. Closer today (and now for always) than he ever was here on earth. And I can honestly say, "I have never been more homesick than now." I long for the day when I will see my Lord and my prince charming coming for me! In the meantime, I will choose to find a way, little by little, breath by breath, grace by grace to find a way to go and to keep his memory and all that he held dear alive in his children.
Remember this.... no matter how short the time, how hard the good byes, how painful the days after.... if your spouse knows the Lord, loves you, and lives life fully... then your life is beautiful! Then you have a true blessing. Cherish what you have. Take the time to say I love you. Do not be afraid to give your whole heart, do not hold back. It may get broken someday too.... but it would still be worth it all. I have found that the amount of grief we bare is in direct proportion to the joy we had. And I wouldn't have missed it for the world.