Friday, July 4, 2008

We said good bye!



It was the hardest thing I have ever had to face! I am so amazed at how my dear sweet simple quiet Paul has touched so many lives. Me??? Well I knew he was amazing, I just didn't know every one else thought so too. So many people turned out to support us and to say good bye! So many have sent such wonderful cards and told such sweet things about this man. I wonder why God would take such a man from this earth when he made such an impact here.
Through everything, I wanted his story told! I wanted everyone who came to the wake and funeral to have a glimps into who Paul was (I didn't realize so many already new). I wanted the picture boards to let people see what kind of love he gave to his family and to his faith. I read my good bye letter to Paul at the wake. As I wrote it to put in the casket, it never accured to me that I would share it. But after I finished writing it, I just knew I wanted to world to know, I wanted to shout from the mountain top how much I loved him. I wanted Paul to hear me tell the world what I thought of him. I needed people to know, to hear what he gave to me. I am glad I had the strength to do so! Words would never be adaquate for him, but at least I tried!
As we came home yesterday evening, I came face to face with the reality that now life has to go on. I fealt (and feel) so lost now.
Mornings are truly the most difficult time of day. I have dreamt of him every night and then every morning I must face that he is gone once again. It's so unreal that today marks one week since my dear hubby left this world to go home! I know the veil between heaven and earth is but a thin covering and he is very near us. Closer today (and now for always) than he ever was here on earth. And I can honestly say, "I have never been more homesick than now." I long for the day when I will see my Lord and my prince charming coming for me! In the meantime, I will choose to find a way, little by little, breath by breath, grace by grace to find a way to go and to keep his memory and all that he held dear alive in his children.
Remember this.... no matter how short the time, how hard the good byes, how painful the days after.... if your spouse knows the Lord, loves you, and lives life fully... then your life is beautiful! Then you have a true blessing. Cherish what you have. Take the time to say I love you. Do not be afraid to give your whole heart, do not hold back. It may get broken someday too.... but it would still be worth it all. I have found that the amount of grief we bare is in direct proportion to the joy we had. And I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

22 comments:

meredith said...

As we knelt and prayed over Paul at the wake, I made him a promise that we, all of us, would be there for you and the kids. I told him that I knew I could not replace all that he gave you, and I cannot take away your pain, but I could promise him that you would not be alone. I love you so much, and I just pray that I have the courag, wisdom and strength to be what you need me to be. Your sister in Christ, Meredith

Bridget said...

Kristina, you have shown us all how to be a more appreciative, loving wife. Paul has shown us how to be a great Catholic man. Strong and devoted.

Our prayers for his soul continue and for peace and comfort for you and the children. They are beautiful children!

We can't take this pain for you but maybe we can help you bear it.

Jennifer said...

Oh, Kristina. Thank you for your brave and joyful post. Even in sorrow, there is joy and hope in Christ.

We will continue to pray for you all, dear lady.

If there is *anything* that we can do to help 1,800 miles away...please, please holler.

Peace & blessings,
Jennifer (M.O)

Lynn said...

What a beautiful testimony of love and faith Kristina. Paul's great love for family and for God continue to touch people.

We continue to hold you, the children and the repose of Pauls soul in our prayers and in our hearts.

May our Blessed Mother hold you all close and comfort you in your sorrow.

KC said...

My deepest condolences to you and your family. Praying for you all.

Anonymous said...

I saw your comment on Danielle's blog and wanted you to know that you are in my prayers. My heart ache's for you and I don't even know you. I know this won't help husband-wise, but it may help your children father-wise: a friend told me that after her husband died, she and her children started praying a nightly prayer to St. Joseph. As he was Jesus's foster father, they started treating him as their foster father. Unfortunately, I don't know what the prayer was, but it was at least 500 years old because Teresa of Avila prayed it as well.

Anonymous said...

My deepest sympathies to you and your family. I read your comment on Danielle's blog and will keep you and your family in our prayers daily.

Abigail said...

I saw your comment on Danielle's website. I wanted to extend my deep prayers for you. My closest friend in my parish choir just had her husband die unexpectedly two weeks ago. I've been praying hard for her and her children. I'll slip in many Hail Mary's for you and your precious children during my prayer time for my friend. May you feel lots of love and peace soon.

Christine said...

Kristina,
I just found you through Danielle Bean's coffee talk. I cannot begin to imagine how difficult a time this is for you. I will add you to my prayers. Please feel free to stop by my blog if ever you need a shoulder. I am in New England, and willing to lend a hand any way I can if you are nearby. May the Lord bless you and your children and may glory be to His name. It sounds as though your DH was a wonderful man. Remember that he will always be with you in your memories and in your heart.

In Christ,
Christine H

Anonymous said...

Kristina, our prayers are with you and your sweet children! I don't know you personally but I am burdened by your loss...Heaven's gain!!! Please accept my sincere and heartfelt sympathy.

God's blessings on you and yours!
Betty

nutmeg said...

Also found you through Danielle... You will be in my thoughts and prayers always, now. I won't be able to help it. And so, many many prayers and sufferings (some big, most of them small) will be offered for you and your beautiful family.

God's peace and love...

Kate said...

My heart, tears and above all, my prayers are with you and your family.

In Christ,
Kate

Lillian said...

Please know that my prayers are with you and your family. I also read you at DB's blog.

(((hugs & prayers )))

Anonymous said...

My prayers are with you tonight. I am so sorry for your loss. Found you through DB's site.

Journey of Truth said...

God be with you, give you His peace and comfort.

I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

Mau said...

Kristina,

I saw your posts on Danielle Bean's blog. I am so sorry for your loss. This post is beautiful. What a wonderful tribute to the love of your life. You and your children are in my prayers. God Bless You.

Elaine Williams said...

What a wonderful post. I am so sorry for your loss and your family's loss. You were so lucky to have such love in your life. I wish you the best on your journey. elaine

Anonymous said...

I am sorry for your loss, my prayers are with you and your family.

In JMJ!

Anonymous said...

Kristina,
I am exactly your age and your husband was exactly my husband's age, so I am particularly touched by your loss. We will keep you and your family in our prayers. May God bless and Mary keep.

In Jesus et Maria,
J.C.

Kerry said...

May Our Lady hold you close during these days! She lost St. Joseph at a young age too...
Praying for you!

Kerry in California

found you through Danielle's blog too...

Anonymous said...

I, too, was a widow much too young. I was 36 when my husband died suddenly. You will have a long walk but you will never truly be alone. Take comfort in your friends and family. Take strength in your faith. Life may be difficult and changed, but you are not alone.

Anonymous said...

Dear Kristina, I was just reading Danielle's blog (a little late) and saw your post. I am praying hard for you and your family. My aunt lost her husband about 10 years ago suddenly too; she was about 40 and he was about 50. It was hard for her too (some days harder than others), but I believe she has been growing closer to Jesus through it all. Remember that He is close by you in your pain. Love and God bless, Tara